The Football Awayday "Experience"

On our first date, I told Katy a little white lie that she has never let me forget. "I don't know why people get so worked up over sport" said I. 19 years of me getting worked up over sport later, I don't think I got away with it.

Yesterday was one of those cases in point as to just why Football, and Exeter City in particular, is under my skin. The penultimate fixture of the regular season saw City head to already promoted Doncaster knowing a win would guarantee a place in the playoffs to win promotion to League One. A decent group of City fans, including two of our Norwegian supporters who'd flown in for the match, assembled at Kings Cross. We boarded our train, I managed to miss out on bagging a "card school" seat, ready for the off.

Or so we thought. Due to a track failure our train was cancelled, and we were all to board the train a couple of platforms down. Cue a mad scramble, and the realisation it would be standing room only all the way. At least we were moving anyway. At least we were until we reached Grantham, near the scene of the track failure. We were held in the station for ages, the driver announcing we had to wait for FIVE Southbound trains to pass through. We pulled out, then a short distance later came to a stop again, this time for an hour or so. The Leeds fans sharing the gangway with me were starting to really fret about their chances of making kick off, while I was more concerned that our pub time in Doncaster would be curtailed.

We eventually got going, and got into Doncaster around 1:20pm, just an hour and a half or so late. Still, at least there was still time for a couple of pints - as I said to the Leeds fans you need *some* beer inside you to be able to watch City! Onto the ground, a very tidy modern affair, quite sparsely populated especially considering a home win could see them win the division title.

So, the game itself. With so much at stake it was a cagey opening, but we sensed an opportunity when we won a free kick 30 yards out. "Oh, ******* hell" said the chap sat next to me as we appeared to faff around with the kick, but we'd not reckoned on our centre back, Jordan Moore-Taylor, almost bursting the net to send us delirious.

It was written in the stars that one-time City favourite turned Doncaster legend James Coppinger, would score, and so it was a few minutes later when Moore-Taylor missed a header leaving Copps to fire home from close range. Grrrrr.

Into the second half and we took the lead again. Our Jamaican international, Joel Grant, waltzed through the defence but found his shot blocked. As we tried to force the ball into the net a Doncaster hand deflected the ball away, the referee pointed to the penalty spot. To general confusion, as striker Reuben Reid has been on penalty duty lately, Ryan Harley stepped up. Saved! Rebound...saved! Top scorer David Wheeler then took over and forced the ball home. The look of relief on Harley's face when he embraced Wheeler said it all.

What then followed was "attack vs defence" as Doncaster tried to draw level once more. We made a couple of substitutions to shore things up, and for the second successive game one of the subs, Liam McAlinden, scored to put the game beyond doubt. Our highly coveted forward Ollie Watkins took advantage of a defender dawdling to rob him and burst through on goal. With only the keeper to beat, Watkins squared it to McAlinden who tapped in. If we were delirious after goals one and two, new superlatives would have to be invented at this point. This was a knockout blow for Doncaster, who seemed to give up and we closed out the game easily.

As the players came over to celebrate with the fans, news emerged that not only were we guaranteed a playoff spot, we were guaranteed fifth place barring a 10-0 defeat at home to sixth-placed Carlisle next week. To think that when we played Leyton Orient on November 22nd we were bottom of the league, what an amazing turnaround.

Fortunately the journey back wasn't so eventful, and I got back, having made the discovery that the recently opened Caribbean place in Hounslow, Jerk Vibes, does the best curry goat ever, in time to watch it all again on Channel 5.

If you could bottle the Football awayday experience, bar the train problems on the way up this was it. Great company, some good beer, City even laid on a superb match for us - usually it's a great day out spoiled by the couple of hours in between. Katy still doesn't get it, but never mind!

Election Fever

Alice Cooper has yet to declare whether he intends to stand in the election.

So, who was expecting that, eh? Word that Theresa May was making an important statement this morning sent the rumour mill into overdrive. Adam Boulton at Sky speculated that May's long-standing health issues could have contrived to cut short her tenure in office. Maybe she'd decided to cancel Brexit a couple of weeks after the letter was handed to Donald Tusk? Had the "other" Donald convinced her we should be nuking North Korea, Syria or anywhere else with a despot at the helm?

No, instead we'd clearly gone long enough without a national plebiscite, and stated her intention to reverse the Fixed Term Parliaments Act to call a General Election for June.

Why Now?

The obvious answer is, with Labour in disarray right now in the polls, the time was right to exploit this and to seek a larger advantage in Parliament, especially with trickiness over the "B" word looming over the next two years. By securing a larger majority in the Commons it would likely smooth the path to a smoother Brexit process. It would also reset the clock to 2022 in terms of how long the Conservatives would have to manage the Brexit process and its aftermath.

Another small but perhaps significant reason is for May's own credibility as PM - when Gordon Brown took over from Tony Blair in a bloodless coup he was urged to seek a mandate with an election to prevent howls of "illegitimacy" of his premiership. He failed to grasp the nettle and to some this represented the first death knell of his term, culminating in defeat in 2010. Were May to secure an increased majority in June this would end any whispers that she had no legitimacy to govern having inherited Cameron's majority.

Word also is that the left of Labour was beginning manoeuvres to position itself more firmly on the left rather than the uneasy coalition of those now at the helm of the party (backed by the majority of the membership) and the majority of their MPs. The details of this transition are rather hazy but could have involved Jeremy Corbyn stepping aside for a more "electable" personality with a similar viewpoint. This was, however, dependent on having the time to manage this transition. An early election puts the kibosh on this, and a disastrous result for a Corbyn-led Labour would weaken the resolve of the Momentum-backed faction of the party while allowing the "Blairite" factions to triumphantly say "I told you so". All the while the divides in the party remain exposed.

A couple of final points purely of "convenience" for May would be that a snap election, aside from catching opposition parties cold, is an opportunity to rip up the 2015 manifesto which was written with an air of "The best we could hope for is another coalition so it doesn't matter what we promise, we don't need to follow it through" about it. New manifesto, new leeway for policies that might actually be realistic. The Boundary Review, something of a political hot potato having suggested reduced numbers of MPs in the wake of austerity and the expenses scandal, can also be swept under the carpet and forgotten about.

The Runners and Riders and Who Will Stand

A snap election will also mean snap decisions up and down the country as to who will stand (or who will be allowed to stand by their local associations!). For the Conservatives, questions will be asked of the likes of George "27 Jobs" Osborne, as well as some of the awkward squad especially around Brexit. Kenneth Clarke will be 77 in July, does he really want to stand again having already stated his intention to stand down in 2020? Anna Soubry, one of the more committed "Remainers" who voted against the party whip on the Brexit issue, represents a constituency that voted Leave, no doubt her local association will have noted this having already considered deselecting her prior to 2015 before sticking with her. Former Education Secretary Nicky Morgan will also be checking her bed for horses heads.

However, the Conservatives will be in confident mood heading into June in general. Poll leads in double figures, managing to make by-election gains, the economy moving along nicely "despite Brexit", the appearance of a party that is largely united (even on Europe!) and knowing what it stands for. Well duh, May wouldn't have called the election had her underlings been in disarray.

The same cannot be said for Labour. Having expected to at least be the largest party in a coalition in 2015, if not back in majority control, the party has been massively divided ever since the membership voted to move sharply to the left in electing Corbyn. A spectacularly bad attempt at a coup last year sharpened the resolve of the Momentum wing of the party but has also sharpened the electorate's resolve not to vote for the party, hence the terrible poll figures and the snap election. Of course, with seven or so weeks until the country goes to the polls anything can happen, but the bookies aren't exactly falling over themselves currently. In terms of who will stand for election, this may be an opportunity for a number of sitting MPs, particularly those on the "Blairite" side of the party, to "do a Tristram Hunt" and conveniently bag themselves lucrative jobs outside the Westminster bubble. Some may not be through choice, for example if your surname is Eagle you may be looking closely over your shoulder. On the other hand could there be a return for other "Blairite" types to sweep back majestically? Ed Balls has successfully transitioned from a rather disliked Shadow Chancellor to a much-loved TV personality via the "Strictly" dance floor, while David Miliband may wish to return to frontline politics. One suspects neither, however, will be keen while the overall direction of their party isn't in line with theirs.

That is not the case with one more high profile former Lib Dem MP, with Vince Cable having already announced his intention to try to win back his Twickenham seat. Otherwise the Lib Dems have positioned themselves as the party of "LA LA LA I CAN'T HEAR YOU!" re: Brexit, ignoring the fact more people voted for it than against it and vowing to reverse the process. This could prove something of a vote winner - as evidenced in the Richmond by-election, but whether it is enough to bring them back to the levels they enjoyed prior to 2010 is up for debate, especially given the public while evenly split in the referendum itself has overall "accepted" the result and wishes to get on with the process. However, on the other hand the party has made some notable gains in local by-elections particularly in their heartlands in the South West, which could signal better fortunes nationally.

Up in Scotland, the political landscape was changed seemingly forever by the 2014 referendum vote, with the party lines drawn roughly along the referendum vote in that those who voted "Yes" have gravitated towards the SNP while the other parties have scrapped for the "No" voters, causing a landslide for the SNP. Therefore the upcoming election may not see too many changes to the landscape, the SNP may lose a seat or two but will still be totally dominant, allowing Wee Jimmy Krankie to continue her pursuit of a second IndyRef.

Wales and Northern Ireland may not be swayed too much on either side, although the scandal affecting the DUP in the latter may lead to one or two changes.

As always, I'll be watching the election campaign with interest. Given my constituency is an ultra-marginal (469 votes in it in 2015), I expect several rainforests to be delivered through my letterbox in the coming weeks. The atmosphere at the count in Hounslow, where I expect to be totting up bits of paper as always, will no doubt be electric. Most of you will no doubt be aware where my loyalty lies, but I promise to be as impartial as possible....!

 

Five Years Later...

I started this blog five years ago with such great intentions. I'll keep the masses entertained on a semi-regular basis, that sort of thing. Then I didn't post for a week, two weeks, a month, a year...

My last post coincided with my sister's nuptials. Since then, let's see...they're now blessed with a sprogette of their own, our creation hits the big 1-0 this year, Mum is poised to move to Dorset in the summer (free holiday accommodation near the beach, yay!), OIHCC imploded thanks mainly to the Middlesex Championship but this year is undergoing a massive renaissance, City have been stuck in League Two (but this season are in the playoff places with four games left), the Bauys have won enough games to count on the fingers of about 0 hands. My knees gave out but are hanging in there, I had my first ever operation to cure a bent nose, and The Walkmen went on "Indefinite Hiatus", which I *think* means they've split up. Most of my friends are now married, some have offspring. Katy left one job, was made redundant from another and this week got the great news of a new employer after four months on the rock 'n' roll.

And...breathe.

Meanwhile the world has become a weird place. America had to choose their President from a choice of a nutter from the political establishment or a nutter from the business establishment and chose the latter. The UK was split pretty much down the middle between the spirit of "Up Yours Delors" and the EU being the best thing since sliced bread, with the Remain and Leave campaigns both being extremely effective at getting people to vote the other way. Terrorists are abandoning making fancy bombs in favour of just driving very fast at people.

Anyway, Happy Easter people, don't forget to celebrate the resurrection of our Lord by eating lots of chocolate. I promise not to leave it another five years.